My eldest Pops is going through a time of adusting at the moment. You don’t realise how much a 3 year old takes on, how much they notice that maybe even you don’t!
I no my MS and all that comes with it, symptoms etc has affected her, at one point, before I had my visual support worker, I was unable to read her a story because I was simply unable to see the words! Try explaining that to a 3 year old without seeming like the worlds worst mum! Also the recent birth of her sister Beboo has had a massive impact on her life, we always knew it would, to go from being the only child that gets everything and everyone’s attention to suddenly having to share mum and dad. The odd thing is, is that she has only just seemed to have reacted to having her around. Don’t get me wrong I no she loves her, but having to share and the fact Beboo takes up so much of mummys time is starting to wear thin! 

The little comments like ‘I dont like my sister’ and ‘No! I wont share’ does sometimes come across abit mean, I just remember that its still new to her and she needs more time. Also we have recently moved for the third time in 3 years, into a LHA house, due to my MS and reluctant landlord we had, I was unable to make the changes needed for me to be safe at home alone. Here its fully equipt with a wet room and extra rails! So the fact we haven’t really had chance to settle must be awful. With the recent move came a chance to start playschool as its literally two doors down, if it hadn’t of been that close she would not be able to go as I am unable to go out alone due to my sight being so poor! Its just not safe. She loved it at first, but now ive got funding to send her for some extra hours she seems to dislike me leaving her there and has pulled the im poorly trick more than once these last few weeks. Luckily im literally next door so its not too bad! I just want her to play and have fun. The ladies there said she is popular and has many friends so I guess she is just desparate for my attention and maybe feels left out? Dividing your time between a 4 month old a three year old a dog a husband and a home is not easy, not to mention the tirdness that comes with the MS, and the constant stream of support coming through my door, I supoose really she is quite well balanced?

Some advice here would be greatly appreciated, will she grow out of it? Am I doing the right thing in making sure she goes? Can I help her anymore than I already try and do?

Im blessed that Pops is so bright! She could talk before she could walk and can now hold a conversation like an adult! She really has become like a best friend to me, I just hope my insecurities dont start to rub off on her, its not something I would like her to inherit!

Egg sharing, my thoughts

As I am very new to blogging, I have been very much enjoying reading about other peoples journeys. I have been following the lovely people over at There amazing story has reminded me about one of the greatest gifts I could give. I have thought about eggsharing in the past, even discussed it with Hubby, but since having MS I though I would not be able to do it? Would anyone want an egg from an MS sufferer?

After reading there amazing storys and having known some of my own family to struggle. My auntie has recently had two stillborns. Still she shows strong determination to have that child she so longs for. I would be unable to give that special gift to her however, as she is married to my blood related uncle. I no if she ever started looking for a surrogate however I would be first inline. Although pregnancy does not agree with me, for her I would do it to give her the gift I no she so deserves.

But yes egg sharing has been on my mind for a good time now. I have not done much research but I no it involves a lot of daily injections and this itself has dangers. But I cant help feeling like I could change someones life, give them the gift of children, as without my children I dont no where I would be! They are by far my greatest achievement. I no egg donators are very few and far between and people looking for that special person often struggle because its not as easy as sperm donation.

The thought of every month, when your period comes round, what a waste it is, we simply flush it away! I look at my girls and I am so greatful that those eggs got to live and be someone. Although I no I couldnt have a million of them running around, I no the eggs I have got could change someones life. I no some people see it as you will have a child running around you know nothing about, but the same could be said for sperm donation. Plus I would not carry that egg for 9 months, so although genetically we would be linked, emotionally we would not. Dont get me wrong I would still have some degree of emotional attatchment but I would no longer feel like the eggs ‘mother’ I no this is a very controversial topic but I cant help but feel for these people who are unable to use there own eggs for whatever reason.

My MS puts a massive question mark over whether I would be allowed or wether anyone would want an egg from someone who sufferes with MS, it would be something I would have to explore further! I guess if there was no issue with the MS I may talk to my GP about how I go about it. Watch this space!

Day one of steroids

The nurse arrived about 9.30am and set up all the gubbins needed for the three day infusion!

Then came the time to find a vein.. I dread this. See my veins are practically non-existent, no amount of pumping or squeezing helps! After digging about under the skin for like 3 mins I suddenly felt like I might faint, I asked to stop and ran to the toilet, where i proceeded to throw up. Now im not scared of needles by a long way, the amount of tattoos i have proves this, but the thought of someone digging about under my skin makes my stomach turn. 

So after throwing up and getting a drink we decided to go and put my arm under HOT water, as hot as you can stand I was told and I like my baths hot so this was no issue, theres nothing I like more than looking like a salmon after a nice bath!

Then she had another go, then another, then another then yes another. I felt awful for her as so was so determined to get a line in, it was just not going to happen! After much pumping and making a hot water bottle she decided to give up and call a different nurse, the nurse agreed to come and the nurse who was already there left.

The new nurse came and again I told her to please not warn me with ‘sharp scratch’ as I dont need to no! Im poked often enough to just sit calmly and let them try. Sure enough she got the vein immediately, only downside is its on the bend of my elbow and as its in for three days doing jobs and holding my little one is extremely tough going.

The methyl Pred drip was soon started and it took an hour to drip through! There was an odd uncomfortable silence between me and nurse lady!We watched channel 5 and clocked watched. She repeatedly did the normal blood sugar checks and took my blood pressure! Which is always A ok!

Now im sat with my arm bandaged up with sticky plasters all over my hand from the first nurse. I have a vile metal taste in my mouth, so all food and drink tastes VILE! I am very tired and hoping the next two days go quickly without any more issues! im not sure if I can take anymore prodding, even if i no its for the best. Theres not really too much to report now as i simply feel drained and useless!  

Days like These……..

It is days like today and yesterday that make you remember just how unexpected and volatile MS can be.

You can be quietly getting on with things minding your own business, then BAM! Your hit with extremely extreme fatigue, dead feeling legs whilst trying to tackle to always scary stairs and tremors when you are trying to eat your tea and simply relax. Especially not nice when you have guests for tea.

I have to say i did not think I could possibly feel any worse until the previous evening. I knew i needed to go to bed but I have two young children, so that is easier said than done. Wait… yes… the tremors are back. Anyway… Luckily nanny was here and offered to take Beboo for the night so I could sleep and have some kind of a lie-in. I was very reluctant but I knew it was for the best, with all thats been going on nanny has been a god send, taking Beboo when I need five minutes or a night of pure sleep, even though Hubby is fantastic. But I just want to keep Beboo with me more, but last night I was at my wits end. I look forward to Hubby bringing her home this afternoon, after work.

So for the first time i am officially looking forward to starting steroids tomorrow, even just for the energy boost in about a weeks time! Today I will enjoy the rest and time with Pops before Hubby and Beboo return. At which time I will take my baby and cuddle her all night! 

Stand by for more wining as I take on my next load of steroids, getting them on-board is by far the worst part!