Okay I am going to be a little controversial here, agree or disagree, let me know.
Yesterday I watched The Midwives, BBC2 on iplayer with my Sister.
It is about midwives working in a certain part of the UK, which part I forget, however every week they cover a different aspect of midwifery. This week it happened to be about people with complicated or ‘high risk’ pregnancies, due to health problems or multiple miscarriages etc.
I was looking forward to this as I ended up having a high risk pregnancy with Beboo due to being diagnosed with MS whilst pregnant.
It was very interesting to see these ladies at work and to realise just how many high risk cases they have to look after.
One of which was a lovely lady who had kidney problems, therefore had undergone a kidney transplant a few years back. Anyway she had one little daughter but had decided to have another. Knowing the risks due to her kidney problems, she decided to put her body through one of life’s most demanding things, pregnancy.
All was fine until she got uncontrollable itching, due to her liver. It got so bad at around 20 weeks she was hospitalized, the poor woman was a mess, no sleep and constant itching all over. It hit the point where she was seriously considering terminating the pregnancy. As well as feeling sorry for this poor woman I also felt she had been a little selfish. She knew there were massive risks involved with getting pregnant again however did it anyway. To cut a long story short, her new kidney ended up giving up under the strain, so she had to go on daily dialysis. They found a medication that helped her itching and she made it past 30 weeks. Her lovely baby was born and is doing fine, she will need a new kidney but is not longer needing dialysis so often.
I understand the want to have another baby. I know she was willing to tae the risks to bring a new baby into the world, however noble this is, had she of died there would have been on little girl without a mum and if the baby survived and she hadn’t, two little girls without mummies. I cannot help but find that thought slightly selfish.
Having MS has given me no real option but to not have any more children. I know neurologists say its okay because pregnancy can stop a new attack, your existing MS symptoms often worsen. I know mine did. I was in and out of hospital and constantly away from my first daughter which I hated. Also I know the 6 month period after giving birth, MS sufferers have a very high chance of relapse. For these reasons I feel it would not be fair on my husband, girls and/or a new child in the family. So pregnancy really is a no go area for me.
It hurts to think of never having more children as my girls are incredible. There needs however, come before mine. I would much rather be here and be my version of okay, than poorly and in and out of hospital.
I know it turned out okay for her, but it could have been so-so different. Also she is now probably paying the price for it, in a way I admire her, but also I feel it was a selfish thing to do, especially as she had already been given a new kidney only to need another 5-6 years later.
What would you do if you were in her shoes?
Selfish or not?