Vertigo, the bane of my existence. It seems to creep up on me, waiting in the wings like a pervy old man.
I woke up this morning feeling drunk, I could not focus or keep my balance.
This would have been okay had I have been drinking, as then I would only have myself to blame, however in this case it really was not me to blame.
I started my tysabri treatment this week, I don’t know what it was that I expected to happen, some sort of miracle cure maybe? Yes I have read all the books and googled until google was mocking me, I listened to all the advice and watched the ‘to good to be true’ DVD however part of me still thought, this might make it all better.
Still I pretty much feel the same.
Suddenly you are reminded that you will never really get better, this will help to slow the progression and space out the relapses, however at the end of the day, there is still no way to stop my monster.
I am grateful for this treatment, however I am still angry at the fact I a living with this disease.
I keep putting my mindset back into last year and what I was doing. I was waiting on my results. I was waiting to hear my fate.
The most selfish part, I wished it to be a tumour. Why did I want this? Because this could be removed, this could be sorted.
Ms was the thing I feared most, nevertheless it was to be my future.
Because it is a forever thing, just when you feel you might get some relief, it comes back and bites you in the metaphorical arse.
I know rest is key, I know if my nurse found out she would be chasing me with a big old stick, however its Christmas and there is so much to do, so many people to see.
I am letting people down, family and friends which makes me feel so shit and useless. I am now having a child free night, just to get some rest in before the madness resumes.
I hate relying on people all the time. I miss the girls and all the chaos they bring.