Dark, Down And Disorientated.

Midweek and it seems like my uplifted days are slowly coming to an end. I am starting to feel down again, not something I really wanted to feel again for a while. 

After a rather strange week so far, I am tired and a little “meh”

Have not really got much interest for anything, not housework, shopping or playing with the girls.

I know, hideous.

Some might think its a wonderful idea to take a plethora of vitamins and go for a run, well to you I say, GET LOST! Before telling me how to live, see how it really feels before you throw some vitamin-exorcisey bollocks at me. 

Right now I want to cry and feel sorry for myself, on the sofa, in my own home. Because I can. 

Have been feeling average MS wise for a few weeks, which for someone like me, is good, I swear. Now I am starting to tire of doing things and all I want to do is watch TV and drink tea.

Not much has changed for these feelings to arise, apart from being busy and stressed, so I am starting to wonder if my Copaxone has anything to do with it, I am giving it the benefit of the doubt before I decide to stop.

Its only been a few weeks so I will soldier on, with the nasty lumps and vile stinging.

However I will admit that stopping treatments altogether has crossed my mind. Its something I have been secretly discussing with my nurse, I have asked all the questions and I have all the facts, so I will take my time and make an informed choice.

After all, its my body and my life and part of me is tired already of pumping myself full of drugs on a daily basis. Its depressing-er. 

So lovely people, until tomorrow!

Blogging Hierarchy

I kid you not, here in the land of “UK parent blogs” there is an underhanded bout of “I am bigger and better than you”

I know, I literally feel like I am back in school.

I will say however, most are very supportive and willing to offer advice and not jump on you for asking a simple question, or asking for support. I have met some immense people recently. 

However today has well and truly ticked me right off!

This land of blogging is far vaster than the few hundred here in the UK, you might be “known” here, however is does not deem you important enough to act like a spoilt child and throw your toys out of the pram in order to get your own way!

In-fact if you see yourself as a “big voice” what use is that voice if you use it for nothing more than putting people down and dictating what people can and cannot do? Surely a big voice should be used to encourage and help people?

No?!

There are thousands of groups on-line where bloggers come together to support each other, to RT someone or give them a +K on Klout or like a Facebook page, this is not illegal, it is seen as supportive and a way of reaching new people. 

However people who deem themselves higher up, like to take it upon themselves to shoot people down and make things seem underhanded, when in-fact, they were far from it.

I for one am sick of listening to it, I am going to carry on my blog, for me and the people I reach. I won’t be getting involved with these people any longer and I don’t intend to listen to a word they say. 

If they find it in themselves to start bitching and bad mouthing me, then shame on them, they really need to get a life and stop this play ground madness.

No-one has the right to say what a blogger can or can’t do, its my blog and I will do whatever the hell I like with it, if I want to write about the seeds in jam or what colour socks I wore I will! 

Rant over 🙂

Now Lets Clear A Few Things Up…

Now a few weeks back I was subject to some vile, uncalled for bullying  I know who my bully is and to be honest, I cannot but feel sorry for this person. The fact they could be so childish and vindictive is seriously beyond me. 

Now since writing that post, I was left alone, until this weekend, where I was once again subject to bullying.

Publicly being called “sicko in the head” which apart from being just plain illiterate, is just plain rude. 

As well as a few other things, I have decided that enough is enough, I am going to stop this and let the authorities deal with it. My MS nurse was due today (I forgot) she talked me through it, she gave me the support I needed and a very welcome hug.

I want to take this opportunity to speak out and show I have a voice and I am going to keep using it.

I do not write my blog to “seek attention” like the person so eloquently put it, I write it because it helps me let go of, it has helped me turn a corner. It has also reached others who are in a similar situation. I am trying to help people understand this disease and just what people who have it, go through. 

My bully thinks its okay to treat me this way because she has friends in blogging land, she has tarnished their views on me, these views are untrue and down right rude. I wish people had the integrity to make up their own minds, however as usual, the pack mentality is rife. 

I no longer care about their views, I thought I did, however on reflection I realised I don’t need to, they are no-one special and certainly not worth my time.

For someone like me, who questions their existence on a daily basis, this bully has hurt me in ways they will never truly understand, they might sit back and smile, but personally, I would be ashamed. 

I will continue my writing and as ever, fighting with my MS, however I am too tired, too depressed and too disheartened to take it any more. 

Enough is enough.

First Child Syndrome…

First child syndrome, yup, Pops has it and don’t we all know it! 

You know what I am talking about right?

You MUST do?

Well anyone with more than one child MUST know? No?

Well let me explain. With Pop’s being the eldest, she has a very “special” array of habits/ways/emotions whatever you want to call them. She is very different in herself, in comparison to her younger sister.

Yes, I am aware they are different people. 

However, Pops is very “emotionally challenged” when it comes to life in general. The way she handles things and her attitude towards events and other people it is, well, odd.

I have heard rumours this is not uncommon for the older sibling?

Pops is very loud and proud at home, however when at playgroup she is quiet, I won’t say laid back as that would be a lie. A big lie. Yes when my daughter wants something, no matter how odd or small, she will do anything to get it. She gets upset easily and always wants her own ways.

She hate being ignored, yet hates equally being centre of attention. 

She is not out-going and relaxed would not be one of the words used to describe her. Ever.

She screams at hair brush time and refuses point blank to look beautiful. Also she does not d the whole joking thing well.

Her sister on the other hand is happy and relaxed, letting nothing get in her way or bring her down. She knows how to wind you up and she also knows you don’t really mean no. 

I have to say, although loud, it is very interesting to see how different they are and I for one believe where they come in the family line-up has alot to answer for! 

Anything to add?!

The Birthday Party That Was.

Today was the girls joint birthday party, now I won’t lie, the whole thing was simply frightening.

For one, I was not sure how the girls would behave, Pops can be is really quite demanding, I am dealing with this people, I-just-need-more-time.

Another thing was meeting the Mums. Of course we say hello whilst throwing launching taking the kiddies to playgroup. However you don’t really get to chat. I have not told any of the other parents I have MS. Its not something you really say in passing?

Wow, how weird would that be?

Anyway, it all went fine. Turned out one of the mums reads my blog (thank you) and was so lovely about the whole thing, did not judge me and asked questions, which I like, means she wants to understand. 

In-fact although she was the only one I think knows, everyone was else was really lovely too.

Now if you have kids under the age of four, and are looking at throwing a birthday party, please, do not expect them to be wonderful and polite. 

Turns out, kids like to cry at their own parties, for reasons unbeknown to me (I could not understand her wingey mumbling) so I simply let her get on with it!

Emma, I was armed with my camera especially for you 😛

kitty castle bebo us together cakes balloon fail meltdown bouncy fun grump

 

I have many more, however they are for the memory book and yes, she is having a melt down during “Happy Birthday”

No-one likes that song!!!!