Ever Feel Like Pressing Pause, Stopping…

Do you ever feel like stopping time and everything that is going on around you?  Like your walking slowly whilst the whole world runs rings around you?

Today, that is just how I feel and I am not even sure why…

I feel a little lost, again, no real idea why.

I hate feeling so shitty, especially when I have no reason to be. I know the mixture of drugs I take on a daily basis are not helping, add to that the Copaxone, which causes the depression to deepen, makes for a pretty nasty cocktail. 

Not really sure if it means, all I know is that one the inside, I feel like I am drowning and have no answers. 

Hubby has been off this week, which of course called for the family to get a really vile cold, always fun!

Tomorrow is the girls birthday party, many children and people I haven’t seen for a while, also a family member that has not even bothered to come and meet Beboo yet, if you can afford to get overly drunk every weekend, you can afford to get on the train and come 20 odd miles. 

Today was a day of cake making with the sister, without whom I would not be able to give the girls this party. She is amazing.

I want to write something witty and deep, but right now, I feel so shockingly odd, I just can’t quite find the words today, I think I will quit whilst I am ahead and call it day…

Feel free to await the post birthday party rant. 

Lunch box Money Saving Tip.

Probably the most boring thing ever, the lunch box. Thinking of something different to put in this damn box, really does taunt me.

It also bleeds me dry of money, its the the silent assassin of the food budget, boxey little bastard. 

Anyhow, on a recent trip to the range, me and the sister found a great little money saving tip, so simple, but perfect…

jelly pots

 

Yup, jelly pots, WITH LIDS! Amazing, who knew?! Well Pops loves a good jelly, so this would save us a fortune on all those little jelly tubs, plus she got to make the jelly too!

pops n jelly 1 jelly 2 jelly 3 DSCF1381

After a few hours in the fridge they were ready to go! You can use any flavour and add fruit if you like, easy and cheap!

mum n jelly

Yes, I like it too, the next lot will make it to the lunch box, I swear. 

Anyone got any other money saving lunch box tips?! Come on SHARE 🙂

Sometimes Even Warriors Need To Cry

I have been called inspirational, brave, a warrior and strong, I am none of those things.

I don’t see it how they do, I see it from the inside looking out.

It makes me feel like a fraud.

Truth is, I don’t deal with things well at all, I have pushed the disease to the back of my mind, secretly hoping its not happening.

I would happily trade with someone who has a curable illness, even the nasty ones, how selfish is that? 

I envy those people, I envy them because they have the chance to be normal again, to be better, I don’t really have that chance. You might say with certain treatments I do, but I don’t see it like that.

I see some of these treatments as a mask, especially the new ones, no-one knows what the long term effects are, for those few years of feeling well, no-one knows the shelf life, or what happens when you have to stop. When the time comes to take that mask of, you are simply the same person you were before, ruled by a disease that makes each day more painful and tiring than the last. 

That’s our future, that’s what I have to look forward to?!

It makes me want to not bother, stop the trying and become that person I am destined to be.

You see, sometimes even warriors need to cry, they need to doubt and they need to stop coping, just for a while…

Thinking About Trying Again? Adding To The Brood?!

Are you thinking about trying again? Adding to the family? Building upon your brood? Are you?! ARE YOU?!?!

Why, why would you do this to yourself? Have you not read my parenting woes?

Please do.

Well, if you are thinking about dipping your toes into the considerably murky water that is “having more children” then just read on and take heed. 

Firstly think about the age of your current monster child, you might think a small gap would be lovely and they will play together in perfect harmony all perfect and such like. 

Think again. 

That does not happen. I have about two-two and a half years between mine and some days, it is hell.

I am literally expecting Satan himself to come a’knockin. Okay, maybe a tad dramatic, but really, its no picnic.

Picture it. You have done all the things your mummy mind can think of, you come to a halt and can feel a good old sit down coming on. You perch your bum on the sofa and relax. 

“CAN I HAVE A DRINK?” Up you get, do the drink then head back to rest those feet.

“CAN YOU WIPE MY BUM” Up you get, wipe the bum then pray you are allowed a seat.

Its quiet, you have finally scored a sit down to have some well earned brain farts….

“MMUUUUUUUUM BEBOO IS EATING MY HAIR” Pops then delivers the obligatory smack to the small child then the tears start.

You do the whole explaining thing, don’t hit your sister, she doesn’t know hair is not edible blah, blah. Then you have to listen to an almost four year old tell you how she hates her sister and asks to send “it” back. 

Yup, it turns out, the whole love thing does not come easily to the little people, much like letting mummy have any kind of personal space.

So if you think you are ready for a regular ear bashing, no peace, no time to do anything but stop the small one from bouncing on the dog, looking at the clock in hopes bedtime is nearly here. Having fights about who’s bowl is who’s and why she is wearing a Minnie Mouse top today, then by all means go ahead. 

Don’t come crying to me when you need a sit down 😛

Williams_16_02_13-15

Sometimes I Wonder…

I do, I am one of those deep thinking types, I wonder about alot of shit.

Okay, maybe I am not a “deep thinker” just humour me.

These past few days have been interesting to say the least, my lovely blog is moving hosts as my old host really pissed me off! No warning or help offered, no that would be to hard. No explanation of why they has taken it down, I am telling you now, that company must be run by a man why else would it be so flipping awkward!?

I am not going to apologise for that either, because I am simply not in the mood.

Please bear with the blog, it will all be well again soon I promise. Or heads will roll.

On a better note, we had a photo shoot yesterday with the lovely Emma from snowing indoors. She was my first twitter meet, scary I know, its okay though she was lovely and we are all still alive.

It was lovely to be together, plus the fact it was in park. Pops was her normal uncompromising self, refusing to play ball, or run around the tree in this instance. We did some good old “parent manipulation” and she soon did it without realising.

Good times.

We also feed the ducks the the obligatory “beef holahoops” Yes I am aware that’s not the norm, however it is what I found in the bag. Feel free to blame me for all the cow eating ducks, okay?! 

We are really excited about the photos coming, finally have some with all of us that are not taken on a webcam or by a camera with mummy guessing where to point it.

I hope to be back on top form next week, but right now I am tired and cannot be arsed! 

Oh, one more thing, tummy injections hurt. Alot. If you don’t need to don’t do it. Ever.