I’m On One!

It’s true. I am totally on one with moving house and having everything new.

We have saved hard and now I am on a tangent making sure everything we have is new, nice, ours.

Maybe it’s to start again?

I mean, can you start a fresh with old stuff reminding you of the past?

Or is it just the environment?

I don’t know, but I do know I am so desperate to have everything perfect, just so, so we can make new memories and forget the old, painful ones.

I have so much running around in my mind. So much I need to make sure I can do.

But our new home needs to be just that, new.

No more fighting with my surroundings, feeling uncomfortable in my own home. We finally have somewhere we can live happily.

We can enjoy the outdoors, indoors and everything in-between.

I am so thankful I have an amazing family. They are using their own time to make our home perfect, they are putting it first. I cannot really tell them how thankful we are. It just wouldn’t be enough.

So, this is really happening. We are going forward and starting fresh somewhere new.

I will leave you with a picture of the girls exploring the new garden…

the girls


I’m Having Trouble Detaching

Ninny’s op taught me something.

It taught me that I can be “that mum” The one who calms, comforts and looks into a beautiful but incredibly red and inflamed eye and sees the beauty and promises it will all be okay.

Because it will. I will make sure of it.


But now every time I look at her, especially when she gets sad, I see this.

Then I remember how I felt when I had to wrangle her to sleep. Each wriggle pulling her in closer, each cough wanting to smack the mask away.

Then I get all upset. Worried. Guilty.

I hate it when she’s not with me. It feels horrid. I want to know where she is and exactly what she is doing. If she’s okay. Happy.

I want to try and turn it off a little. Be less anal.

To let go of her hand and not feel that horrible pain I felt when I placed her poor little self on the bed.

I worry at every grumble, cry or itch.

I just want her to be okay. Happy. No more double vision or eye drops.

When I got up on Friday morning I felt for sure Daddy would be the chosen one for the day. He would be the hero as always. Cause he’s strong and brave.

But it was my turn. And now I can’t go back to “normal”


The Operation

So yesterday Ninny went in for her operation on her eye. She has been waiting ages. Every time we had a reason we couldn’t go. Important family events, illness and all sorts of unusual things that just came along at the wrong time.

So when we got a call about a cancelation on Thursday for the very next day, we didn’t really have a choice. We had to go for it.

Grab the bull by the horns so to speak.

So that’s just what we did. Woke up at 6am on Friday by a very excited Ninny. She had her special hospital bear from “the hospital” (me) ready, so it was all systems go.

The day went without a hitch. She chose me to take her down for sedation. Which I totally didn’t expect. I was ready for her to be all about Daddy, but it was a Mummy day.

I think we were both secretly terrified walking down to the room. I sat on a tiny chair and placed my giant 6 year old on my lap (she is not a baby anymore. I can guarantee you that much) My arms don’t work well these days, so I was worried I wouldn’t be able to carry her across. And as the gas took longer and longer, I was worried I would let go altogether.

But I didn’t. I held her closer as the gas got closer. She wriggled, but that was something they had warned us about. His hand was holding the gas right underneath her nose but she was still not out. It was replaced with a mask and I watched her slowly drift off. Still coughing from the gas. She went floppy and I was asked to place her on the bed.

Then told to kiss her goodbye. It was the hardest kiss goodbye yet. I was trusting her life with someone else. My little baby looked so genuinely helpless.

I walked out crying, then cried for a further 10 minutes.

The waiting was horrid. Truly awful. All I wanted was to see her smiley mush.

45 minutes and we were finally called to recovery.

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She looked so helpless. She woke up for a few seconds but drifted back off quickly. We wheeled her through and we let her sleep. The young boy previous had broken down when he woke up. I was terrified of Ninny doing the same. How would I cope? I wouldn’t cope. I would stand back and let Ben take over.

But I didn’t.

I pulled up my big girl pants and my Mumness took over. She was far less shouty than he was, but she had slept for far longer.

I cannot tell you how amazing it was to be able to kiss her again. Still today we watched a film together and I didn’t let her go the whole time.

Her eye is still very inflamed and she’s still seeing double. So we are taking it easy.

Ninny decided she wanted to do a video diary, so please give them a watch. People I talk to now don’t remember the eye op they had as a child, but Ninny can, and other people can see what it entails.

The Perfect Gifts For Your Wonderful Woman

So with a new year brings another round of all the holidays and birthdays. The list starts a fresh and we spend an enormous amount of time searching for the perfect gift. Especially for the ladies. So I have picked a few of my favs to make your life that little bit easier.

I know, selfless 😛

So here we go, enjoy and go forth to the shops! IMGP2001

Firstly we have the Fuse sensational starter kit. This little kit is great for those ladies looking to get salon quality gel nails in your own home.  The USB powered LED light  makes it perfect for ladies on the go. And the best thing? The Fuse collection only requires one coat. So you can have beautiful, long lasting nails in a flash.

A wonderful gift for afour leaf cloverny lady who loves to keep her nails looking fabulous.

Next is the wonderful Four Leaf Clover cologne, just in time for St Patricks Day, this wonderful perfume from the library of fragrance is just stunning. It smells wonderful. And like all scents from the Library of Fragrance, they can be layered with other scents from the collection to create a different and even more wonderful scent. I love these, the fact you can add other scents and make something different means you will never get bored of the same old scent. You can change it up a little to suit your mood! They retail for around £15 and are available from Boots. Fabulous.


Talking of scents, next we have the wonderful Unforgettable fragrance from Christina Aguilera. For me the bottle just screams glamour. I was a huge fan back in the day, so an even bigger fan of the fragrance. It smells wonderful, so much so, my nurse asked who I was wearing, so this is sure to get people wondering! Available from The Fragrance Shop  from £19.50.

Its one that will be a permanent fixture in my collection.


Next is the most perfect item for getting that completely polished look. Eyebrows have become bigger than ever. I am talking literally and figuratively. So achieving that look has become of the utmost importance. Plucking and waxing can cause some hairs not to grow back, so when, like me, you pull out that one hair that changes everything, you will need the Silk Fibre Brow Enhancer.

It acts like an instant brush on brow extension. It will thicken and lengthen brows in an instant. So no more faffing around. I find getting them to look the same with a pencil quite difficult, but using the Silk Fibre Brow Enhancer, I can follow the natural shape of my brows and have them looking fuller and equal in less than a minute. A definite beauty must have. Available for around £19.99 from Boots.


With weather still chilly and sore lips generally an all year round thing, Anatomicals have come up with a range to not only heal lips, but keep them looking fabulous the whole time.

Gone are the days you stayed inside with cracked and sore lips, now you can look perfect every day. They all work in really clever ways, to nourish, moisturize, heal up cracks and sores, protect from wind and frost and give a natural looking gloss.

What more coIMGP1999uld you need? This is a personal handbag must have.

Next are two other essentials. The must have SCENTsational So…? Spray, which has been a real favourite for years. They do several different scents which come in either a EDT or body fragrance. Perfect for that last minute spray on your way out the door.

Then it’s something for the ladies who are trying to achieve bigger and thicker looking hair in an instant. Simply spray on your hair giving it a scrunch with those fingers and you have the perfect look. Literally you go from floppy and lifeless to think and full in seconds. This product will be taking the beauty world by storm and I can see why.


Finally, we have the wonderful colour changing panda mug. This mug is adorable in every way. From the sweet little face, ear handles to the fact that it changes colour when you drink your cuppa.

What more could you need? Both of my girls love this mug and continue to fight over it. So I have taken to keeping it high up! No one will be having my panda mug but me!

All these gifts would be perfect for any wonderful woman out there. So get those fingers tapping and that card out!