Depression Desperation.


It’s everywhere, that word. That feeling. That illness.

That feeling of being completely desperate to know, to feel, to tell someone the truth about how completely empty you feel inside.

How completely empty yet full of every feeling and emotion you have ever felt. All at once, all wanting out, all needing to be heard and felt.

For me, depression had almost become a way of life. As scary as that sounds? This problem and feeling won’t ever leave, so I learn to control it. to turn it off, for a while.

When it happens to you, it’s okay. You’re strong, you can do this, you have done this.

But when it happens to someone you love, it suddenly becomes a whole new experience.

A whole new way of life.

You want to do and say the right thing. You want to be strong, the rock, but you also need to release that emotion. Because watching someone you love fall apart from the inside out is impossible.

But we will cope.

We will pick  them up and carry them, for a while.

We will listen and we will learn.

We will have patience and we will become that rock.

Because we are a family and that’s what we do.

No one really knows the path it will take, or how long we will walk it, but we will walk it together.

Because we can x


One thought on “Depression Desperation.

  1. This post just blew me away, and my heart goes out to you completely!

    Up until a couple of years ago, it was my chronic health conditions that were causing us difficulties. TJ supported me through so much and we felt like, together, we could make it through anything. And then *he* became ill. I mean really ill. And it is so unbelievably hard!

    Neither of us is used to this. I have had years to get my head around how my health affects my life, yet TJ is only just starting to realise how his is deeply changing his future. He has been in therapy for the grief and has started opening up and sharing how he feels… and I end up saying completely the wrong thing. Every. Single. Time.

    I listen to him expressing how he feels and I reply, “I know”. And I really do. I may not know the physical sensations, but I totally get the emotional responses. But he doesn’t want to hear that… because whilst you may accept that your life has been affected in this way, you never wanted it to happen to the one you love. In whatever form it takes. And depression is one of the big ones, right?

    It’s tough one when of you is struggling. When you’re both struggling, it’s almost impossible. I want to say “but you’ll get through it”, and I do believe that. But right here in the trenches, I know it feels like there is no end to it. I’ll be thinking of you xx

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