Something that I have noticed we do these days is extreme co-parenting. It is certainly not your average co-parenting scenario.
I have to say, it’s something I struggled with in psychology. The guilt side of it. The fact I am not the be all and end all of my children’s lives. But is that really healthy?
Apparently, my concerns over this subject were unnecessary.
I think the phrase “it takes a village” came into play. And that phrase has more merit than people give it.
With the way we have to co-parent, it’s literally like the girls are being raised by a village.
Now that’s not to say if you are your child’s be all and end all that’s bad, because it most certainly is not. I envy you if this is you. But it just means that our own situation is not as damaging as I feared it was.
The girls have a network of people who love them dearly. They are never without someone to pick them up when they fall and to applaud when they fly.
Because of this extreme co-parenting, when things are hard at home, they have an escape with my own Mum and sister.
I cannot always be the ever present Mum. The hospital appointments and relapses mean sometimes I simply cannot be there.
But I have to trust the fact they have an army of other people ready to jump in when I am at my worst.
MS is a hard mistress. One who isn’t at all forgiving or thoughtful.
It doesn’t take my children into consideration.
So I have to make sure there are people there for them, the two most important people in my life.
I always feared this set up would somehow take away from me as a mother figure. But with my husband and family, we have made it work. We each play a role. A constant role, which is the most important aspect.
Kids need a constant.
All of us together, Ben, me, my Mum, my Dad, Cherry, and other family are all people who play a real role in the girls lives.
Together we have, so far anyway, shaped two incredibly bright and stable individuals who seem to take everything in their stride.
They don’t know any different.
This is their normal.
My psychologist was right, it does take a village sometimes, and it’s okay for me to be thankful for that.