Let me start by saying, I already know how this post will end.
I just hope I am not alone in getting to that ending.
The girls are growing so fast. I know its a total cliche, but they really do grow up before your very eyes.
I can still remember leaving the hospital with Liv and feeling like my undercarriage was falling out.
I can still remember holding them both in my arms for the very first time. The way they smelt and looked so perfect and innocent.
But now they are 3 and 6. Now they don’t lie still, they don’t love cuddles, they don’t like to be sniffed and snuggled.
Now they like to make noise, create chaos and make their presence very well known.
Don’t get me wrong, I love how they are now. But part of me misses those little babies.
Part of me knows I can have one. I have all the right parts still. Just a little, well, looser?
I could just completely shake up our normal and do it all again.
I really could.
But I can’t.
I know the effects it would have on my MS, which in turn affects the whole family. I would be even less normal than I am now.
I couldn’t face the endless nights awake and I couldn’t let Ben do it all alone. My poor husband has enough to deal with.
I couldn’t suddenly stop all my medication and expect to be okay. And I couldn’t spend as much time going to appointments as I do now with a baby in tow.
As much as every part of me wants just one more.
Equally those parts don’t.
It just wouldn’t work.
So yeah. I do want another baby. But I also couldn’t think of anything more debilitating to do to this family.
We will have to stay this way…