It’s Still There

I have been a little quiet about my MS recently. There are a few reasons why, I guess?

I know for a fact it’s still there, lets face it, its never going away, right?

Since starting my Tysabri, I have been feeling ‘better’ as better as someone like me can feel anyway. I still tire and have all the other usual symptoms, however I have felt a little more rounded.

Not in the shape sense, well that could be a lie but its nothing a pair of big girl pants can’t fix.

I guess for me its the fact I am different, that is what is holding me back at the moment. Pop’s now goes to school and is starting to ask more questions about why I am poorly, she will start to notice I am not like the other Mums.

Other Mums will also notice I am not like they are. Hubby usually takes Pops to school and picks her up, for various reasons, however I do try and go when I can and when I do go, I make sure I am right at the front, but I am sure other Mums will notice.

Next is the burden that is me. People can tell me I am not a burden, but that will not stop me from feeling like one. To go out whether it be to appointments or just the park, I can’t do it alone. I could give it a damn good go, but that would not be fair on the girls, using my ears alone to tell if there is a car coming is so not reliable enough. 

This means I need someone, people have to sometimes change plans and drop things for me. It’s not a nice feeling I can assure you.

Also, my left eye is basically completely blind now. I only told Hubby this last week because he hadn’t asked previous. I think he was shocked, however I am not fussed, I would rather have a blind eye than a useless, still works a bit kind of eye.

I have come to terms with it and so has my body, its no big deal.  

Depression, this one sneaks up on me all the time, I don’t know why and I cannot explain it, but its happening again. I don’t want to get lost in it again, but sometimes the only way to face it, is embrace it. So who knows what I will need to do this time. 

And right now, I have a cold coming and anyone with MS knows a tiny cold, can become and feel like so much more. Most don’t bat an eye lid but for me, its a bitch. 

I have been trying to carry on and block out the lovely disease that has graced me its presence, but sometimes after a fight, I need a break for a bit, I need to let the pissy days happen and feel sorry for myself for a while.

Watch this space, or not, depending on your preference. 

5 thoughts on “It’s Still There

  1. Oh lovely lady, I just cannot imagine what it must be like to suffer this hideous, awful and very much silent disease. Is it known as a disease? Or a disability? All I know is that there is no known cure and I so so wish there was. I can imagine that you will feel like a burden and the depression it totally understandable too 🙁 I only wish I could say something to make it better, do know that I’m thinking of you and sending massive hugs via this amazing interweb thingamajig. Xx

  2. For your childrens sake you should tell school and the other parents and children what’s wrong with you. The MS society can help you, they do here. It’s important rather than hiding it. Makes no sense and is not fair to your children. You wil also be suprised to know how many other parents are out there with some kind of disability. My daugther’s best friend at school, her dad has MS too. The girls benefit a lot from that.

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