I have been a little quiet about my MS recently. There are a few reasons why, I guess?
I know for a fact it’s still there, lets face it, its never going away, right?
Since starting my Tysabri, I have been feeling ‘better’ as better as someone like me can feel anyway. I still tire and have all the other usual symptoms, however I have felt a little more rounded.
Not in the shape sense, well that could be a lie but its nothing a pair of big girl pants can’t fix.
I guess for me its the fact I am different, that is what is holding me back at the moment. Pop’s now goes to school and is starting to ask more questions about why I am poorly, she will start to notice I am not like the other Mums.
Other Mums will also notice I am not like they are. Hubby usually takes Pops to school and picks her up, for various reasons, however I do try and go when I can and when I do go, I make sure I am right at the front, but I am sure other Mums will notice.
Next is the burden that is me. People can tell me I am not a burden, but that will not stop me from feeling like one. To go out whether it be to appointments or just the park, I can’t do it alone. I could give it a damn good go, but that would not be fair on the girls, using my ears alone to tell if there is a car coming is so not reliable enough.
This means I need someone, people have to sometimes change plans and drop things for me. It’s not a nice feeling I can assure you.
Also, my left eye is basically completely blind now. I only told Hubby this last week because he hadn’t asked previous. I think he was shocked, however I am not fussed, I would rather have a blind eye than a useless, still works a bit kind of eye.
I have come to terms with it and so has my body, its no big deal.
Depression, this one sneaks up on me all the time, I don’t know why and I cannot explain it, but its happening again. I don’t want to get lost in it again, but sometimes the only way to face it, is embrace it. So who knows what I will need to do this time.
And right now, I have a cold coming and anyone with MS knows a tiny cold, can become and feel like so much more. Most don’t bat an eye lid but for me, its a bitch.
I have been trying to carry on and block out the lovely disease that has graced me its presence, but sometimes after a fight, I need a break for a bit, I need to let the pissy days happen and feel sorry for myself for a while.
Watch this space, or not, depending on your preference.