Its Okay To Break.

So this week has been pretty normal. Aside from Narla being spay and having to explain the whole concept to a four year old, but that is another post for another day.

I had my infusion again, told the nurse about my trouble remembering, thinking and having important conversations. Hoping the MRI I shall be having on the 15th will show the cause, if not, then maybe its time to think again on my infusion.

The week has also been packed with mega tiredness, I even managed to be in bed by 5 the other evening.

I had just had enough of everything,  so that along with being super tired pushed me to hide away for the evening.

Going to bed early and having lie-ins in the mornings might sound amazing, but mostly I just feel guilty.

Guilt and wanting my days back is not the best emotional combination.

So inside I have been secretly breaking.

I don’t think I can cry anymore, this year has seen far too many tears, so I have just got on with it quietly. I figure it’s the wrong time of year to be putting a downer on everything and everyone.

And besides, I am no stranger to feeling shite.

Kind of comes with the territory i’d say.

I guess sometimes I just get so tired trying to ‘be strong’ that it tends to just hit you at once. Like a big smack in the mush.

Anyway we are off to London again this weekend, so I will slap on a smile and get on with it until I return home.

Then it will be okay to break a tiny bit more.

 

This Weekend I am Changing My Name

Its true, this weekend I am changing my name. It will no longer be Mum, it shall be, hey you or preferably Chelsea. 

That’s until Sunday afternoon anyway, however I may just keep the change in place a little longer?

This week has seen me having my monthly infusion and Pops starting school. The school part has gone fine so far, she has seen some of her friends and has loved learning new things, its surprising what they can fit into three hours.

Anyhow, the inbetween part has been manic, both the girls have been jumping off the walls all week. And I am exhausted and looking forward to a night alone with Hubby, I think we will eat our own hot food and sit in silence for a while. I know, we know how to live right?! 

My lovely Mother will be having the girls tomorrow evening into Sunday afternoon, and I am not afraid to say that I am SO looking forward to the peace even if its just for a while. Usually I wouldn’t be this excited, however they have both been little whirlwinds this week and my poor limbs and ears need a good rest! 

It will be nice to only have to wipe my own bum for a while.

That being said, I am so proud of Pops for the way she has handled this week. I was so much more nervous than she was, which I never pictured being the case. She comes home happy and looking forward to the next day. I know it might not always be the case, but I will enjoy it whilst it lasts.

Anyway, I am off to drown myself in soaps and eat my husbands ice bun, not afraid to admitting to that either!!!!