With all the recent goings on over here, I lay in bed last night wondering. Wondering if and when I will ever accept that things are not how they used to be, they will never go back to how they were.

I don’t think for one second a year ago I was in any way, shape or form, normal. No way. I had so many different things happening inside me and no way to explain them all. However now I have a ‘reason’ as to why I was feeling and experiencing all these things, doesn’t make it any easier. I thought it would. I know the day I found out, as well as the sadness,anger and being scared I also felt relief, relief that now I could have the help I needed now there was a real reason as to why all these things were happening. The relief however was sort lived, it was simply followed by more sadness, pain and an unknown future.

The support I have from people close to me and the wonderful fellow bloggers has been amazing, everything that has been said I have taken in and sometimes it has even made me smile and relax. I am still no closer to accepting it.

Whilst laying in bed, wondering, I wondered how long was ‘normal’ how long does it ‘normally’ take people to become comfortable or accepting of this thing? I have known for nearly 6 months but it all still feel so brand new and fresh. Is this okay? I just can’t seem to shake it off.  

I guess part of me is starting to want to accept it but mentally I just can’t