The Right To Die, My View.

So I know this is a controversial topic and I know everyone has different views but this is my blog so I will give my view.

With people appealing to the government for the right to die, its a huge topic in the press right now and I have to say, its something that I feel really strongly about.

I have a friend called Kerry, she has MS too, she is older than me and her MS is alot further along than mine, she is someone I have met very few times however she is also someone who understands just how I feel.

She said something to me the first time I met her which will never leave me. This was, that one day we may be unable to walk, lift or even talk, we may be seen as ‘useless’ however our minds will still be in full thinking order, so essentially we would be trapped inside our own bodies.

I believe for people who have lived life with a severe disability, however they are still of sound mind, should be able to choose whether or not to carry on.

The people behind the decision making have no idea just what these people have gone though, the pain and the loss, always having to find other ways to do things most people take for granted. How can they really make a choice for someone else when they simply have no clue?! 

I know if I ever reach the point where I cannot move, speak or simply do anything myself, I would want to end it. Not because I am selfish but because I would not want to live in a body where I could not even express myself, to not be able to have a conversation with my children and simply just sit waiting to die, starring into space and offering nothing to the world.

I would simply feel like a burden, like I was being kept alive to simply waste away.

Now I am not stupid, although I do believe certain people should be given the right to die, I also believe that the journey to that choice should be a long, carefully managed one.

I believe it should be far from easy and I know changing the law is a tough one, however people living with these severe disabilities are the only ones who really know how they feel, they are living it each day and I completely understand why some have simply had enough.

Vertigo, Its Time To Go

Vertigo, the bane of my existence. It seems to creep up on me, waiting in the wings like a pervy old man.

Ergh.

I woke up this morning feeling drunk, I could not focus or keep my balance.

This would have been okay had I have been drinking, as then I would only have myself to blame, however in this case it really was not me to blame.

I started my tysabri treatment this week, I don’t know what it was that I expected to happen, some sort of miracle cure maybe? Yes I have read all the books and googled until google was mocking me, I listened to all the advice and watched the ‘to good to be true’ DVD however part of me still thought, this might make it all better. 

Still I pretty much feel the same.

Suddenly you are reminded that you will never really get better, this will help to slow the progression and space out the relapses, however at the end of the day, there is still no way to stop my monster.

I am grateful for this treatment, however I am still angry at the fact I a living with this disease.

I keep putting my mindset back into last year and what I was doing. I was waiting on my results. I was waiting to hear my fate.

The most selfish part, I wished it to be a tumour. Why did I want this? Because this could be removed, this could be sorted.

Ms was the thing I feared most, nevertheless it was to be my future.

Why?

Because it is a forever thing, just when you feel you might get some relief, it comes back and bites you in the metaphorical arse.

I know rest is key, I know if my nurse found out she would be chasing me with a big old stick, however its Christmas and there is so much to do, so many people to see.

I am letting people down, family and friends which makes me feel so shit and useless. I am now having a child free night, just to get some rest in before the madness resumes.

I hate relying on people all the time. I miss the girls and all the chaos they bring.

Thank you, My Saggy Boobs?!

Now I realise my Hubby has to be more helpful than most due to my disabilities, but sometimes there are times when I just wish he hadn’t.

Take for example today my husband asked me what I was wearing under my top yesterday? I kindly informed him it was a strapless bra. To which he replied ‘oh okay because your boobs looked saggy’ I mean what the hell?! He said it was a comment that was made with love and the kind of thing I would want to know? Well no it wasn’t, maybe it would have been if I had asked him? Or if I was still wearing said bra with said top? Not the next day! I have to say this was a completely useless comment I did not, in any way find useful!

Yes I know he loves me and he may of meant it in the nicest way but it was not received this way. I asked if my boobs are just, in-fact, saggy? He said of course not it was just yesterday, I told him even if they were, to be fair I have had two children and breastfed one. Of which I had retained products so my body kept on producing the damn milk even when I had stopped! So if they were in-fact saggy, they had damn good reason to be!

I do have to say if I feel something is too small for Hubby I will tell him he should probably throw away that top, I do it when he is wearing it not the next day after he had wore it all day, gheezsh!

Men do find the oddest ways to be un-useful whilst trying to be useful! Why not just tell me he didn’t like the bra?

Another way of being useful is telling his work colleagues that he is having time off to look after the girls whilst I go and have the leftover contents of my womb scrapped out because I was bleeding very heavily and its like a river. Yes because the term ‘personal reasons’ is just WAY too vague?! Lovely it was one of the more prouder moments of my life I have to say!

Needless to say we still love the men in our lives no matter how much they offend us! Yes we will just think of more vile ways to do it back! He might be amazing man, but I will still give as good as I get, well if you love them you just do 🙂