Extreme Co-Parenting

Something that I have noticed we do these days is extreme co-parenting. It is certainly not your average co-parenting scenario.

I have to say, it’s something I struggled with in psychology. The guilt side of it. The fact I am not the be all and end all of my children’s lives. But is that really healthy?

Apparently, my concerns over this subject were unnecessary.

I think the phrase “it takes a village” came into play. And that phrase has more merit than people give it.

With the way we have to co-parent, it’s literally like the girls are being raised by a village.

Now that’s not to say if you are your child’s be all and end all that’s bad, because it most certainly is not. I envy you if this is you. But it just means that our own situation is not as damaging as I feared it was.

The girls have a network of people who love them dearly. They are never without someone to pick them up when they fall and to applaud when they fly.

Because of this extreme co-parenting, when things are hard at home, they have an escape with my own Mum and sister.

I cannot always be the ever present Mum. The hospital appointments and relapses mean sometimes I simply cannot be there.

But I have to trust the fact they have an army of other people ready to jump in when I am at my worst.

MS is a hard mistress. One who isn’t at all forgiving or thoughtful.

It doesn’t take my children into consideration.

So I have to make sure there are people there for them, the two most important people in my life.

I always feared this set up would somehow take away from me as a mother figure. But with my husband and family, we have made it work. We each play a role. A constant role, which is the most important aspect.

Kids need a constant.

All of us together, Ben, me, my Mum, my Dad, Cherry, and other family are all people who play a real role in the girls lives.

Together we have, so far anyway, shaped two incredibly bright and stable individuals who seem to take everything in their stride.

They don’t know any different.

This is their normal.

My psychologist was right, it does take a village sometimes, and it’s okay for me to be thankful for that.

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I Am Reclaiming Christmas!

I blogged last year about Christmas and how it had lost its magic for me. It was a time when I was awaiting my results, waiting for my fate, a fate that although is so unfair and cruel, I still intend embrace what I do have.

It really did tarnish Christmas for me, it became something I would dread and want nothing to do with, rather than living every moment of my favourite time of year, one that always seems to fly by.

This year, I am going to enjoy every single minute. I refuse to sit back and watch my sister decorate the tree this time. I will join in, and we will do it together, as a family. 

Reading back what I have just written really makes me wonder why I fell out of love with that time of year, I guess I have left those feelings behind and moved on?

I am sure getting as it edges further closer, I will once again start to feel those feelings creep back in. Not sure how I will deal with them when they do, but I will try to best to put a smile on my face and keep on singing the good old catchy tunes.

I might even go and find the CD now!

I even brought a bigger tree, yes its a fake one, but still its new and its big and I will have the chance to fill it and my house with angel hair and really vulgar decorations, the noisy singing kind. That will annoy my Sister, which in turn makes me smile and fills me with joy! Win-win I would say?! 

I am secretly hoping Hubby will decide to spoil me with something really lovely.

A girl came dream :/

Christmas-Tree-Nature1024-226431

 

 

Distorted Perfection

There is no such thing as perfect. Not for any part of life, especially family. 

For me, my family are a version of my distorted perfection, I could show you a million photos of a smile or a laugh because we choose to capture what we see is ‘perfect’ but what about the times that are just, well, meh?! 

They are as interesting as a smile but people tend not to want to capture that moment in time.

A tantrum or a falling or even the huge messes the little buggers monsters make, why don’t we want to show these times off? They are normal after all and sometimes looking back on the bad helps you enjoy the good.

Because, after all a knocked over cup of water is so much easier to clean up than the noodles stuck all over the fireplace the previous day, and looking back on that will make you smile. 

pops and narla liv thinking boo and bra uniform pops 20130815_094708 haircut 20130815_123713 boo and narla

The randomness, mucky and moody faces, eating lunch and generally doing not much.

They are my distorted perfection. Some days I sit and wonder how the hell I got here, I never use the toilet without someone coming in, I go to sit down and someone wants something, a drink or the toy that ‘goes like this?’  

It does make me wonder how I can make them think its bedtime come 3pm. Never gonna happen, right?!

I like to snap the random, the good, the bad and the down right vile. The mistakes I make and the victories I have!

After all, no one is perfect!

These Are My Intentions

When I first started my blog, I needed a place to vent. Its still my place to vent, and it always will be. But for me I feel I have grown as a person, and I have taken the first few steps into facing my future.

This week I whole heartedly  re-started my Tysabri, its a risk and maybe part of me still feels like a slight guinea pig, but right now I need help to control my relapses and be a Mum to the girls. They are what matters.

So every four weeks I will take the trip to the hospital, vomit, faint and sit still until they find an elusive vein. I have and do feel like giving up sometimes (yes already, I hate vomiting and it was a waste of a perfectly good muffin) but I know I can’t, I have to stick it out.

Having Multiple Sclerosis has shown me just how precious life can be, how you can suddenly be given some news that will forever change your life, it changes who you are. I know some people won’t agree with that statement, but its true. I am not the same person I was before that day. I now have a really viable excuse to be bitter, got to love a good excuse 😛

Seriously though, it changed me for the better and I really hope I can help more people with MS and educate more people about MS.

That’s another reason I took the treatment, so I can do all that I want to do. So I have the energy to push that teeny bit further.

I want to be strong enough to face the people who might not be my biggest fans, with a smile on my face.

I want to give the girls and Hubby all that I can.

I want to play with the girls without getting impossibly tired.

I want to stay awake all night talking with Hubby, just being together like we used to.

I want to fight hard to get more people educated on MS and start seeing it for what it is. Impossible. Lifelong.

I want to finish my book!

I know I will never be able to do everything I want to like I want to, but I will try and do them to the best of my ability, with support.

I have no choice but to live with this forever. I may fall, tremor or forget things (alot) but I am learning, slowly, to live with it and I have started to ignore the ignorance of some people when it comes to neurological diseases. I have ways to turn even the hardest of situations into something funny.

Its how I choose to deal with it. As is my openness of the drugs I have to take to simply get up and smile. I am not afraid to say I have them or that sometimes the drugs we get are the only upside of having MS.

Hell, were the only ones entitled to the new legalised cannabis spray!! 

So this right now, is me.

Summer Days Drifting Away

So I have been a little lacking on the blogging front lately. Anyone with MS who has had a kickass relapse will know how much it mind fucks you for a while. I have so many thoughts that are so incredibly jumbled up, I am having trouble putting them straight.

I am starting to feel a little more mentally stable, I am facing my anxieties as I really do not want to change my anti depressants at this time, I think that would be like playing in a forest fire right now.  

So I have been enjoying life with the girls who spent the weekend with Nanny, so on Sunday when we went to pick them up, we went for lunch. I love being at my Mums, I grew up there and it still makes me feel safe. I was lying and looking at the trees and I remembered being young in the summer holidays. The freedom and lack of responsibility. Children being children in a safe and free environment, perfect.

For once I was content and happy, with memories and my babies…

summer days

I hope I can give my girls memories like mine.