How To Earn Mummy Points…

Yep, mummy points. They exist and to earn them, as mothers we must do things to earn them.

I know, not only is this job 24 hours, 365 days, all shit and febreeze spraying madness, we also need to earn mummy points, for survival.

Now right now, I am rather lacking on the point earning. Its the barely moving and feeling beaten that makes me seem rather feeble, right now I really could not care less about LalaLoopsie getting stuck in the radiator. Or whether Ariels father is who he says he is.

So my mummy points have slowed a little bit. 

Nevertheless, I am not one for secrets, so I will give you a few hints on how to earn said points, in hopes it gets me a little more motivated. 

Please remember, mummy points are gained through doing things a little ‘off the wall’ don’t be afraid, because afraid is good.

Your biggest giveaway when hunting for points is smiles, the more smiles, the more you know you are gaining, watch for frowns they tend to creep in, damn kids.

Food, yep. Today I scored a big batch for the dinner I created. It was truly a thing of genius. You guessed it. I made, a Dominos take-out.  Garlic bread, chicken strips and chewy cookies a plenty! I also convinced Pops it was in-fact me who had made it and put it in the boxes for the man to bring, clever huh?! 

Beboo was a chocolate mess, however both girls were happy. Score.

Next is trips. For me, I hate going out, so the trick with this is to fool get another member of the family to do this. Today it was Husbands turn, he was delighted to be going to the playbarn. As was the 4 year old, she was well chuffed with my suggestion. 

My last hint, because I am tired, is stuff. Stuff is great, I love stuff. Having a good day and feel like upping the mummy points that little bit more? Then go to the shop and grab a toy or sweets, keeps them happy for ages. Yes, spoilt children are really vile, however when all you need right now is five minutes for a cup of tea or even a full on cry, the promise of a small plastic thing is really one to behold.

So, as for spending, I like to think a nice sleep, meal without sneeze on it or the TV during the day for a whole hour is a great way to spend some of these points, plus you could throw in no screaming or random deadly farts too. Makes for points well spent.

I Have No Idea What Your Talking About….

“Socialising, with people? Real people? No, I have no idea what you are talking about…

2009 was the year I became a mother, it was the year of the Ox and it was also the year I became a recluse.

Yup I am one of “those” mothers. The type that dreads taking the children anywhere, through fear of tantrums, screaming and shittastrophies. I decided it was far easier to stay inside and paint the walls snot green, as opposed to painting the town red. 

Do you blame me? Have you ever met a spoilt three year old?

I lost any form of social life I had, not that it was amazing, in-fact it was pretty poor. 

Anyway, yes I have met other mums, and yes I enjoy there company and all that jazz, however this does not make me want to do any of these social activities I see everywhere.

Not until the youngest is at least 6. 😛

Then, to make it all worse I went and got MS. I know, selfish. This just adds to all my worries.

So much so I am dreading telling the other mums at play group. I hate the thought of it. I’d rather the thought I was just lazy. 

So, if you are an expectant mum, or wanting to be a mum, or even a wondering mum, then please remember the whole staying inside, having no friends thing is normal. I can’t tell you whether it will get better but I can give you a few survival tips. 

Firstly, never make important plans when you are alone. They will be poorly, tantrum or loose there favourite shoe when you need to be somewhere.

If you must make important plans, lie to yourself and get ready very early. The day before kind of early.

Don’t worry about how you look or smell, no-one cares, not even the postman. 

Savour any me time you have, eat what you like but remember to eat, it keeps us mums alive!

Last but not least, you can buy gin in a tin from any decent retailer. And that is fine.

Have fun 🙂

Is There Any Hope?!

Aaahhh hope, right now its all I have.

I-we need help, I have looked into the motherly crystal ball and seen the future, its not bright and its not orange, its noisy and its demanding. 

Thats right, I own one. I made it happen and I have no idea how to put it right.

Its loud, its annoying and its really is relentless.

Yup, Pops. She’s spoilt.

Rotten…

She wants for everything (when really she owns it all or does not actually need it) It turns out giving her everything and happiness really are two different things.

I know how we got here, what I need to know it how we get back?

Saying no is easier said than done when you are stood in the middle of Argos which a tween who thinks she has to have a new toy. A toy she does not need or really even deserve.

I want things to start being important to her, I want them to mean something to her.

I know its our fault, but it is s easily done.

I think the only choice I have is to but my foot down (preferably not in dog shit) and try and make it better whilst I still have the chance.

grump

 

Advice to make it better would be greatly appreciated!!!!

 

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The Perfect Pets!

So Pops has been going on and on and on about having her own pet. We already have a dog, so the choices were limited, however Pops was adamant she needed something that was hers, something she could look after.

So the hunt was on!

With her birthday coming up, I have to admit, its the perfect excuse to do the whole “early present” thing.

We ventured to the pet shop, which had the normal array of stinky rodents! We were originally thinking hamsters, however after looking at it, for one they would have to female, as I could not explain the whole big old hamster balls thing, not a conversation I need! 

So anyway, females smell, like piss, yum! Also Pops loves a cuddle and hamsters do not appreciate a squeeze, no matter how much convincing you do! 

So hamsters were a no, those nibbley little bastards simply would not do. 

Next comes the bunny. Now as a child I had bunnies a plenty (after unknowingly having a girl and boy) In those days a bunny was a bunny, it needed the usual food, water and shelter, plus the odd cuddle (and maybe a walk on a bunny lead) Now however, they need spaying and injections, they also tend to be nippy.

So a bunny was a no.

Then it dawned on us, a guinea pig, it was perfect. You can keep them outside or inside and they like a good cuddle and the odd squeeze and rarely bite.

PERFECT!

I was a little sceptical,  but they have been great. We have two lovely guinea pigs, luna and snowflake, who Pops can look after and love until her hearts content!

I never realised how perfect the little critters would be. They don’t need too much doing, no faffing with jabs etc and super cuddley!

So if your looking for a pet for your little’un then why not get a guinea pig? Pops can use it to learn some sort of responsibility and have something of her own.

5 Ways To Get Payback…

Aaaahhh children, we all long to create them, however when they are here we spend some days wondering why we decided it would be a good idea to have them?! 

No? Just me?! 

Anyway today I have decided that when they become 15 years of age, I am going to get my revenge on those snotty little critters!

I have chosen 5 ways in which I will get my own back on them and I have decided to share them with you, in hopes that likes me, you will prepare your payback way in advance.

  1. When they are sleeping soundly in their beds, loving every little minute of the soft warm cosiness, I will wake up at 4am, go into the chosen siblings rooms and scream at the top of my voice “I HAVE A RUNNY NOSE” I will then return to my bed.
  2. When they are waiting for their turn in the shower, I will hold them back by refusing to go in until they let me shower in their slippers!
  3. When out and about with them in town or at our local supermarket, I will ask them very loudly why that man has such a rubbish beard, knowing that the man was in-fact a woman.
  4. One day I will ask one of my lovely daughters if they wouldn’t mind making me a drink. Once I have the drink, I will take a sip, shriek “I didn’t want orange” then cry until I get a new drink.
  5. Finally, I will save the best for last. When they offer me one of their biscuits/crisps/sweets or whatever, I will say thank you and proceed to sneeze all over it! 

So, there is my plan of action, I am sure I will need to add more as they grow! So do you have any payback ideas for your little ones?!

MWHAHAHAHAH!