I Have Made My Choice

So today I made my final choice on my whole treatment thing, when I say final I mean for now, obviously.

I needed to think of everything, the kids, hubby and myself. I having been going back and forth for ages, with the endless what ifs. Now I have finally made up my mind.

I am going to stop my Tysabri infusions and start on the daily injections, copaxone. 

Now for anyone with MS, they will think I am mad, I have been offered steak and I am taking burger. I am trading in my posh car for an average banger. However factoring in every part of my life and every emotion I have has brought me to this.

I need a break from hospitals, Tysabri needs someone who can commit (wow it took me ages to find that word in my messed up brain) I am not ready. I know I will have to face it daily, however it comes with so many less appointments and check ups, it will give me time to deal with myself, to get into the right mindset for tysabri. An option which I will always have. 

I am not saying never for this incredible drug, its simply just not the right time.

I can stay at home with the girls and I can start to try and move on with the MS, I can find the real strength to fight.

My mind is mush and I need to put myself back together. 

One amazing lady told me ‘its called the present because every day is a gift’ Now I am not soppy, however these words have stuck with me.

So, please feel free to join in this next chapter.

Here comes the future…

Today I saw my neurologist.

Today was the day that would decide my future, and that it did.

I got to see my brain (yes its amazing, truly) I saw all the ‘activity’ which is a very odd feeling, seeing something that in a way you feel but not really. The lack of control is also scary.

Then I got to see my face from the front, under my skin. Also incredible, if a little creepy! The radiologist had made a comment on how my optic neuritis hd got worse.

I knew this.

This made my recent eye test all the more pointless. I had a low visual assessment at the hospital as I have complicated eyes. He gave me a prescription for two pairs of glasses, neither of which do anything as my sight differs from each day, so the likelihood of it being the same as it was that day is like, 10%. Pointless.

I was given my options. Then the percentage of each treatments effectiveness.

I made my choice.

Tysabri.

A monthly infusion, a fairly new thing, also one reserved for people who have more activity, like myself.

Special I guess?

It comes with its own complicated risks, which is long winded and I am too tired.

I need a blood test to test for this virus thing, my blood will be shipped to Denmark! So although I have never been abroad, parts of me have!

Then if I have this dormant virus its up too me whether I still go ahead. Which I will.

I will ignore the fact I heard the word, death. I will be fine.

So that’s the story, just hope it happens fast so at least it can stop anything else happening to my body.

Here’s to my new normal.

Wish me luck.