It’s Still There

I have been a little quiet about my MS recently. There are a few reasons why, I guess?

I know for a fact it’s still there, lets face it, its never going away, right?

Since starting my Tysabri, I have been feeling ‘better’ as better as someone like me can feel anyway. I still tire and have all the other usual symptoms, however I have felt a little more rounded.

Not in the shape sense, well that could be a lie but its nothing a pair of big girl pants can’t fix.

I guess for me its the fact I am different, that is what is holding me back at the moment. Pop’s now goes to school and is starting to ask more questions about why I am poorly, she will start to notice I am not like the other Mums.

Other Mums will also notice I am not like they are. Hubby usually takes Pops to school and picks her up, for various reasons, however I do try and go when I can and when I do go, I make sure I am right at the front, but I am sure other Mums will notice.

Next is the burden that is me. People can tell me I am not a burden, but that will not stop me from feeling like one. To go out whether it be to appointments or just the park, I can’t do it alone. I could give it a damn good go, but that would not be fair on the girls, using my ears alone to tell if there is a car coming is so not reliable enough. 

This means I need someone, people have to sometimes change plans and drop things for me. It’s not a nice feeling I can assure you.

Also, my left eye is basically completely blind now. I only told Hubby this last week because he hadn’t asked previous. I think he was shocked, however I am not fussed, I would rather have a blind eye than a useless, still works a bit kind of eye.

I have come to terms with it and so has my body, its no big deal.  

Depression, this one sneaks up on me all the time, I don’t know why and I cannot explain it, but its happening again. I don’t want to get lost in it again, but sometimes the only way to face it, is embrace it. So who knows what I will need to do this time. 

And right now, I have a cold coming and anyone with MS knows a tiny cold, can become and feel like so much more. Most don’t bat an eye lid but for me, its a bitch. 

I have been trying to carry on and block out the lovely disease that has graced me its presence, but sometimes after a fight, I need a break for a bit, I need to let the pissy days happen and feel sorry for myself for a while.

Watch this space, or not, depending on your preference. 

This Weekend I am Changing My Name

Its true, this weekend I am changing my name. It will no longer be Mum, it shall be, hey you or preferably Chelsea. 

That’s until Sunday afternoon anyway, however I may just keep the change in place a little longer?

This week has seen me having my monthly infusion and Pops starting school. The school part has gone fine so far, she has seen some of her friends and has loved learning new things, its surprising what they can fit into three hours.

Anyhow, the inbetween part has been manic, both the girls have been jumping off the walls all week. And I am exhausted and looking forward to a night alone with Hubby, I think we will eat our own hot food and sit in silence for a while. I know, we know how to live right?! 

My lovely Mother will be having the girls tomorrow evening into Sunday afternoon, and I am not afraid to say that I am SO looking forward to the peace even if its just for a while. Usually I wouldn’t be this excited, however they have both been little whirlwinds this week and my poor limbs and ears need a good rest! 

It will be nice to only have to wipe my own bum for a while.

That being said, I am so proud of Pops for the way she has handled this week. I was so much more nervous than she was, which I never pictured being the case. She comes home happy and looking forward to the next day. I know it might not always be the case, but I will enjoy it whilst it lasts.

Anyway, I am off to drown myself in soaps and eat my husbands ice bun, not afraid to admitting to that either!!!!