A Real Shake Down

So here I am, finally coming through my steroids and slowly getting over my relapse and my shaking gets worse. I have been a little ‘shakey’ for a few months now, but now its really starting to affect me daily.

I came in from actually doing some gardening yesterday (I know, I surprised even me!) went for a drink, put the drink into my right hand and went to take a sip. Well, I ended up throwing the damn ribena all down myself because I simply could not steady my hand. I felt like a right fool.

I put it in my left hand, which still doesn’t have its normal strength which gave my right the chance to calm down. So I gave it another go. Once again it started shaking, so I just did the best I could, what else can I do?

I have to say, its not easy to cope with something small like this. The new symptoms never seem to get any easier. I just wish July the 8th would hurry up so I can start my Tysabri again.

Right now that’s all I have and it really can’t come soon enough.

Rather than sit and cry, which I have done way too much of over the year, I have decided I have no choice but to make a joke out of it, lets face it, it’s not going away so I may as well just get on with it.

Humour is by far the best medicine, always makes me feel better anyway!

Lets hope people don’t think I am a random drunk who has simply drunk far too much.

So right now I am not letting this bastard disease get to me, I have way too much on my mind to let it bother me right now, I mean look outside, the sun is out?! Maybe summer is really here this time?…….

Panty Liners! .

Yes here is me paying homage to the incredible panty liner.

 Yes I am a mum of two and yes I do my pelvic floor exercises, but one of my more recent MS bug bares, is my bladder. I am 23 and my bladder issues have began. I have to say I feel like i’m 70. Yes this is embarrassing but I vowed to keep a true account of my MS. I asked my nurse if this was ‘normal’ and she said it was. She explained how my brain messages get confused on the way down and my body often does things it shouldn’t. My bowels have also become so slow. Apparently the two go hand in hand. 

I feel this is just another way the MS has of singling me out and making me different and far from normal. I don’t talk about it with friends as they don’t understand, its not really a massively discussed subject. My family however are aware of some struggles. 

There is literature on this subject but I can hardly say this makes it any easier. I often make a joke out of it to hide the way I really feel. Lets be honest it affects my life and always will. I became acquainted with panty liners during my last pregnancy. So using them was not such an issue. The issue is, its something that will now be on-going because my stupid body does not know what it is doing. 

We spend so much time looking and judging people by the outside appearance that we really do not have a clue about the chaos going on inside. When a stranger looks at me in an odd way I don’t always think yes I shaved my hair and I have tattoos. I think god they know, they know my bladder is shit and I have yet to have a crap this week. Of course they don’t, unless I was to think aloud, which knowing my badly wired up body, it would be possible. 

I know I am not the only one who this happens too but I am 23. Its not fun typing this, I keep thinking, shall I delete this? No, I came here to raise awareness, document my journey and families life so I will carry on. 

I am having a bladder and bowel scan soon, both at home, which I know I am damn lucky to have. Lets hope they can help alleviate this horrid symptom and return my exit functions back to some normal state.