Come 3pm I was agitated beyond control yesterday.
Snappy and clammy and desperate to fix whatever it was that was making feel like a complete loon.
Now you might judge me for the reason, however I tell no lies about my depression and anyone close to me knows the ups and downs I have had over the last few years and any regular readers will know I tend to lean on my anti depressants, that’s what this was, I had not taken my full dose as I had ran out.
To be honest, when I noticed I had run out I knew come the afternoon I would pick up my repeat and carry on my day, however I forgot to pick it up in the morning, it was 3.15pm and I was beginning to get beside myself with worry, dick-head move I know.
Sometimes it worries me just how much I know I need them, still. I have spoken to all my Doctors and my MS nurse who all tell me how normal it is to feel this way, especially when you are struggling with something like MS. This bastard disease is never going to be my friend and the more I think about it the more I loathe it.
The fact I will now more than likely be on the old, which treatment next saga is also putting a big old rain cloud over me, every time I open the fridge the Copaxone is there, mocking me in the ‘should have known better burny sense’ even my voicemail has a message from the company that delivers it every month, why the hell can’t they leave me alone, why can’t everyone tune into my brain waves and find out I have stopped?!
Its not unjust, is it?!
Right now I have no filter, especially whilst out and about. If I want to say it, I bloody well will and I think this has alot to do with me having a forever disease.
The fact I got so agitated bothered me. It frightened me and made me realise, I would not be me without it. Not right now anyway.
Its wouldn’t bother me if I had to stay on it long term, in-fact I would rather that than be a more hideous version of myself that cannot control the crying.
Note to self. Renew prescription ON TIME.